Upside Down and Inside Out

hello dear readers of veronica’s blog!  it’s been wonderful watching veronica embark on this journey of blogging and I am so thrilled  to watch her creativity and talent taking shape through her various art, projects, and words!

i was so honored to be asked to contribute to this stories {of grace} section of her blog. after years of not fully understanding the gospel, i am excited to begin sharing how it has given me new life. i LOVE a good makeover story (miss congeniality, ever after, princess diaries, pretty woman,…) and i had no idea how God would delight me by making my life such a story of redemption.

for the sake of brevity, i will just say i was born into a small, southern church with deeply flawed doctrine and authority figures who abused their power over a group of people who truly believed they were called by God to remain in that community.  it was the only community i knew and even after leaders violated our trust, i continued to believe in them because i connected their authority with my very salvation. when God allowed this church to fall apart, revelations of wrong doing and hurt came to the surface over a process of many years.  for a long time now, i have felt the pain of broken and lost relationships, seen friends and marriages self-destruct, watched belief in God wither. i felt this as abandonment and tried to self medicate by burying myself in school and, later, in relationships. i came to see God as a calloused God who delighted in my pain. i ended up living whatever lifestyle i desired, believing if God didn’t care that I hurt, then i didn’t care if my sin offended him.

but, in the face of my defiance, God brought the unexpected:  i found myself living in a basement apartment of a family that loved Jesus and the gospel. i quickly became friends with the mother of the family and she offered a listening ear, a slow-to-conclusions perspective, a gentleness that allowed me to flounder in my hurt and confusion until God used her to teach me grace.
eventually, i joined this family’s community group and began to engage in community given through the Church. I learned how to trust others with my raw, reactive soul; others who loved and accepted the hurt straight out of me. God began breaking the hold of sin in my life.  He showed me ultimate gentleness and compassion from those i expected it from the least: leaders – my pastor, community group leaders, and others who guided and supported me.  he taught me how to forgive.  he freed me from my struggle to do and be better. now i can safely say i’m the worst!!! i am unfaithful! i am so self-centered and foolish!

{ but, wow, God delights in me because it’s not about me any more.  it’s about His Son’s finished work on the cross. }

being delighted in and freed from the oppression of others’ demands allows me to breathe deep and easy.  and i am amazed as the gospel, moment after moment, continues to be the answer to my pain and questions. the simple gospel that Jesus died for all of my sins and all the sins committed against me and those i love.

i am beginning to see my past through a different lens…the Holy Spirit was there.  He was holding me through the hurt that made me consider crashing into telephone poles… clasping me in the midst of my defiant rebellion… and patiently pulling away the false understandings, the pride, the desperation to earn his favor. he is thrilled that i just live and breathe before him under the covering of Jesus’ work on the cross – it is no longer about God NEEDING me to accomplish great conquests of souls or engaging in overseas missions or complete my “good Christian checklist”.  this is hope. this is a God worth believing in and living for. in telling this story, i long to speak freedom into the lives of others…that they will live full and thrilling lives not because of anything they have done, but because Jesus came, lived, died, and rose again.

with all love and grace,
melissa

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